between jan n mar - 2009

I have started the year with hopes n lots of ambitions. as days passed the enthu on the ambitions erroded freely. like many I too stayed in a dreamy world where we only see our success n love n whatever we want to be.

I looked in my dairy n wondered what I have done so far till to date.. one of my goals of 2009 is implementing Super OMNI (my proj) successfully. half the way to the goal it was shared by 2 more resources Sriram and Vishnu. The implementation i dreamt about was not in my hands at some point of time. It plotted a gap between me and my hectic work schedule.

I worked like hell in feb and in mar suddenly I was like a devdas with failure, it was good. no work, no fun, no issues, no status calls, no deliverables, no reportings for 1 or 2 weeks. I had time to think about the cause for the drift in life, I am not able to conclude anything till now, but I have derived upon something called motivation factor.

what makes us unique is this so called motivation towards life. so are motivated/inspired to live for other, some are motivated to live for money, some for love, some for pleasure, some for thrill, some for peace, some for terror n so n so.. wat motivated me till feb is that "I was doing ONE MAN SHOW in the implementation project".. for all dam thing in the project, I was questioned for reasons. I parted on the solutions for all the problems we faced in the project. I received 100+ e-mails in any given day of the week. I used to attend 10-12 hours of meeting in any given week.. I thought myself very busy than my manager who used to command whole building when it comes to our system.. The fame/attitude that I have got in 4-5 months was un-imaginable.. to keep the momentum I have worked hell out of me..

As Sriram n Vishnu on board, I have left with no work. no e-mails. no status reporting. no questions. no issues at all. That was very gud for my project n company. but Iwas un-happy that I have lost something from my hand. the motivation factor called fame got diluted away from me. I am without energy, enthu, fun, work, tough times.. all of the sudden time passed with pain..

Decided to go back to India n be with my family n friends, who has driven my life positively so far. Where I will not be de-motivated for anything. People to share my failure n give enough motivation to come out of it. Any issues friends are there to listen to me and guide me. India which I missed like air in these days.

I requested my managers Kiran n Krishna to send me back to India. Krishna was my implementation manager and Kiran was July release manager. on march since I was offically moved out of implementation I was allocated to work on July Release. Krishna n Kiran asked for some time to plan my release. I too know that it was not an easy activity. Krishna asked me too take 1 week time to think n we will meet after that to discuss the same issue. his philosophy was that "At the moment of heat we may make wrong decisions". Anyone given an oppurtunity to change their decision at later point of time, 90% will opt to change. this video supported my managers philosophy

http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/dan_gilbert_researches_happiness.html

after a weeks time to think n decide. I have said the same "I want to go back to india". Krishna simply scoulded me and encouraged (motivated) me to show interest in work. he quoted somethings from the past which I liked a lot. Surely I am motivated n back in track but this time not to lead solely, I need to run with my team. I am not here to prove anything to anyone. I am here to do my job, so kept all such junk fame of ONEMAN out of my mind n started to play a responsible team-member. things moved very well. no hectic work load, no tough questions, sharing of issues, parted in solutioning the problems. I am stuck partially between work n free time (which people refer as personal time).. implementation was successful (actually not failed) :-)

March gone. I am recovering from bad idealogies n bad work culture.

I am getting involved in July release as part of work.

I started spending more time for my family, friends n relative (over phone), reading books, cooking good food, thinking about my ambitions, my loneliness, flied to North Carolina.. etc.. all making use of my personal time.

more to share.. find your motivating factor n keep rocking.. best wishes..