Why I hated San Francisco

Long time no blogs.. Just wanted to save some of my memories in the form of blogs.. I also making use of this opportunity to test a philosophy my manager told.. to keep on with the things we like we have to cross two hurdles/breaks.. One Starting it and the other one is continuing it..

I have crossed first one long back.. was held with continuing break long time.. If i continue blogging hereafter.. his philosophy holds good.. otherwise I have cross some more continuing breaks.. :-))

The differences when I last blogged and now blogging..

I am married to an Angel. In this world people call her Afeela Fatima. Ours is not love at first sight story.. but love at first hearings.. Yeah when my mob told about her, I couldn't believe it.. When I first met her in our engagement, I felt it.. She is one beautiful angel born in earth and the only one born for me..

Ours is totally arranged marriage.. I was thinking I am not lucky in love.. but not true till I came closer to my Fabi alias Afee.. I tried to impress some ammais.. God kept them away from me for this angel.. There is a saying "God shuts one door, he opens other".. My case he closed small doors and opened door to heaven.. Why am I so excited with my marriage life.. I don't know but this is good.. Good to have companion to share life's UPs and DOWNs..

Your life partner makes you feel good about yourself.. You got one to share yourself totally.. you got to have something that you have in your heart not shared with anyone except yourself.. You don't have to carry any such stuffs.. Once the partners are in love, you can breakdown all your secrets.. Life like an open book has its own advantages.. I still have some to share with my fabi.. Its that we are just 1 year old in love.. its takes some time to get matured in love..

Love that grows in your heart makes you more strong.. I got this much strength to face my loneliness here in San Francisco which all are feeling like one of the best cities to live..

Came to US on July 4th with lots and lots of dreams.. Hoping that my fabi will join me shortly.. Her visa personal appearance was scheduled on July 8th.. I expected her arrival by July 17th to Newyork.. BIG TWIST was she didn't get her visa approved, it was delayed in the name of "Administrative Processing".. What crap is that?? when the VISA OFFICER is not comfortable on providing visa, he opts for further enquiry on your application through other US office/process.. I am not sure of why her visa was delayed.. but the fact is it was delayed for 65 days.. Bcoz I traveled to INDIA on sept first week and my project is scrapped I could not bring her to US immediately even after her VISA approval..

Why did I traveled to INDIA.. I promised Fabi that i will be with her for Ramzan.. as a gentle men I wanted to keep my words.. Bcoz we started our life just 5 months back and I don't want to risk her trust on me.. I risked 2K to travel to INDIA to be with my Angel..

I was wondering why my parents and brother and friends were not at all coming into my mind.. ;-)) Answer I don't know.. I used to be in touch with all my friends regularly.. I have only limited number of friends and they are the best.. My parents, why they got the second priority?? Why my brother got the second priority?? How come Fabi got the top priority in such a short time.. May be bcoz rest of my life is with her, I gave this priority?? I don't think so.. May be bcoz she occupied my whole heart?? May be she loves me more than anyone else?? May be others just left me to her all?? Whatever it is, she got the top priority.. I wish I value my family, my bro and my friends the most.. Bcoz, they make the life variety and joyful..

Spent time with Fabi for Ramzan.. Time to return to US.. She got her VISA, still I am not able to bring her.. :-(( traveled back to US on Sept 12th.. Again lonely, but I am happy for making my Fabi happy and my family happy..

Not much work, so more free time.. more thoughts and more confusions.. Got offers from Allianz project in California and Genre project in Connecticut itself.. I was happy to opt Genre project, bcoz I have Kaleel mapla in that proj.. Same state so not a big difference as such.. Allianz proj sounded good, I am happy when I heard abt the task and the role.. but Genre is best for the married person is what made me choose Genre on first.. BIG TWIST.. Allianz manager called Genre manager and they agreed to make me available for Allianz in California.. Ha ha ha.. All my plans/dreams on settling on CT is gone.. :-(

Okie all set with the assignment travel date confirmed on Oct 6th.. Bcoz of the new system in the process, had some hick-ups on my travel plan.. till date it is there.. :-( might impact my oct payroll if extends after oct 11th.. Having heavy tasks in place to fix them..

October 7th started to Cali.. Traveled in South West Airlines.. Bags fly free.. ;-) company spent $425 on my tickets.. I hated being a Manager.. on saving cost these people are spoiling others life.. What the matter with 1K dollar.. First time I hated Krishna for not making this happed bcoz of money.. I am frustrated bcoz of the cost savings.. People won't talk about performance, rather talking about cost savings is really JUNK..

My new manager giving me the same story Krishna told.. what is this?? I decided to fight to get my wife travel approved by next week.. I am not that hard type, but I have to be to get my fabi here in San Francisco to like it than hating it..

Time is the best gift for us.. this loneliness kills it for nothing.. I hate San Francisco, purely bcoz of loneliness..

Bonjour

It been a long time from my posting.. Just wanted to say "hi" and scrap n share something..

Life in last 5 months had many ups n downs for me.. nothing physical thats the beauty so I had an oppurtunity to express them in words..

Ups are always good for any one life.. I had got out of all my debts for 3 weeks.. :-) An interesting team to work with.. more time at travel to spend wisely.. home food.. office late nights (only work, nothing else).. timeout with friends.. fasting..

my debt.. I had some 1 Lakh debt when I am back from onsite.. Thank god I got rid of them late August for getting home loan.. Yes, I am looking forward to buy a house in near future.. All formalities are in progress by god wish I will be make a deal in next 2-3 weeks.. Alhamdulillah..

my team.. Got a new team to work with.. few core team member made my feel comfortable.. Poornima n Nikhil in development team.. Other 2 core member were doing production support.. Prashanth n Vishnu.. Team of 8-12 is not really gud to wrok with.. I got some technical avices from friends on how to manage the team.. I am trying all with this team n hope they are not tired of my experimentation.. Its trilling to be a lead, you have the pains n pills.. its upto you to choose what you want.. My core team never gave me tough time.. :-) but a tough team makes a good leader.. so I am thru tough times. now.. ;-) my team has the right attitude but not right strike/use of that.. Thats y I am there to balance the team n mke good projects out of it.. Guys in my team are Suresh, Arjun, Lavanya, Nisha, Simbu, Nikhil, Poornima, Kasturi, Bandhani and Sowjanya. Poornima from Core team left onsite on Aug.. By that time I comforted myself well in the team.. I have all stars to shine except few need more feedback n right guidance..

my travel: I am spending 3 hours a day on travel.. 20 mins in bike, 30 mins in electric train and 20 mins in share auto/bus.. to and fro of this with the waiting time makes 3 hours a day.. I enjoy my train journey a lot than other mode.. Gud ammais.. No rush.. more time to think on what I had done and what I am going to do.. Every need a journey like this to organise their day/work/tasks..

friends: meeting my friends regularly.. playing cricket.. sundal chatting.. motta maadi aratttais.. bike roaming.. gym timeouts.. talking about girls.. future plan discussions.. support when at deep trouble.. gilmas.. Adding color to the time we spend.. ;-)

Fasting: This year is far far better than last year fasting.. God kept me lazy but good.. I am glad being here at this time.. you need support/inspiration when you are down.. I found that being with loved ones.. Good ramzan month.. missed 3 days of fasting.. :-(


Downs are the best part of anyone's life.. Still it is boring.. I wish not to bore you guyz with that..

I am glad that you guys had a wonderful summer n spring,, I wish for more colorful days n love in all your life.. Good day..

peice of Info

required for many indians living abroad.. enjoy cooking n eating.. engalukkulu vettu samayal irukku illa.. :-)

http://websamayal.blogspot.com/2006/08/fish-names-in-tamil.html

gud one to share

this video is gud and the speaker wants to communicate the following lessons that he learnt in his 35 yrs of rock climbing experience
1. Don't let go
2. Hesitation is bad
3. Have a plan
4. The move is the end
5. know how to rest
6. fear sucks
7. opposites are good
8. strength != success
9. know how to let go

chk it below
http://www.ted.com/talks/view/id/518
or

between jan n mar - 2009

I have started the year with hopes n lots of ambitions. as days passed the enthu on the ambitions erroded freely. like many I too stayed in a dreamy world where we only see our success n love n whatever we want to be.

I looked in my dairy n wondered what I have done so far till to date.. one of my goals of 2009 is implementing Super OMNI (my proj) successfully. half the way to the goal it was shared by 2 more resources Sriram and Vishnu. The implementation i dreamt about was not in my hands at some point of time. It plotted a gap between me and my hectic work schedule.

I worked like hell in feb and in mar suddenly I was like a devdas with failure, it was good. no work, no fun, no issues, no status calls, no deliverables, no reportings for 1 or 2 weeks. I had time to think about the cause for the drift in life, I am not able to conclude anything till now, but I have derived upon something called motivation factor.

what makes us unique is this so called motivation towards life. so are motivated/inspired to live for other, some are motivated to live for money, some for love, some for pleasure, some for thrill, some for peace, some for terror n so n so.. wat motivated me till feb is that "I was doing ONE MAN SHOW in the implementation project".. for all dam thing in the project, I was questioned for reasons. I parted on the solutions for all the problems we faced in the project. I received 100+ e-mails in any given day of the week. I used to attend 10-12 hours of meeting in any given week.. I thought myself very busy than my manager who used to command whole building when it comes to our system.. The fame/attitude that I have got in 4-5 months was un-imaginable.. to keep the momentum I have worked hell out of me..

As Sriram n Vishnu on board, I have left with no work. no e-mails. no status reporting. no questions. no issues at all. That was very gud for my project n company. but Iwas un-happy that I have lost something from my hand. the motivation factor called fame got diluted away from me. I am without energy, enthu, fun, work, tough times.. all of the sudden time passed with pain..

Decided to go back to India n be with my family n friends, who has driven my life positively so far. Where I will not be de-motivated for anything. People to share my failure n give enough motivation to come out of it. Any issues friends are there to listen to me and guide me. India which I missed like air in these days.

I requested my managers Kiran n Krishna to send me back to India. Krishna was my implementation manager and Kiran was July release manager. on march since I was offically moved out of implementation I was allocated to work on July Release. Krishna n Kiran asked for some time to plan my release. I too know that it was not an easy activity. Krishna asked me too take 1 week time to think n we will meet after that to discuss the same issue. his philosophy was that "At the moment of heat we may make wrong decisions". Anyone given an oppurtunity to change their decision at later point of time, 90% will opt to change. this video supported my managers philosophy

http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/dan_gilbert_researches_happiness.html

after a weeks time to think n decide. I have said the same "I want to go back to india". Krishna simply scoulded me and encouraged (motivated) me to show interest in work. he quoted somethings from the past which I liked a lot. Surely I am motivated n back in track but this time not to lead solely, I need to run with my team. I am not here to prove anything to anyone. I am here to do my job, so kept all such junk fame of ONEMAN out of my mind n started to play a responsible team-member. things moved very well. no hectic work load, no tough questions, sharing of issues, parted in solutioning the problems. I am stuck partially between work n free time (which people refer as personal time).. implementation was successful (actually not failed) :-)

March gone. I am recovering from bad idealogies n bad work culture.

I am getting involved in July release as part of work.

I started spending more time for my family, friends n relative (over phone), reading books, cooking good food, thinking about my ambitions, my loneliness, flied to North Carolina.. etc.. all making use of my personal time.

more to share.. find your motivating factor n keep rocking.. best wishes..

New York Trip - Jan 2009

When I got my Onsite confirmation in March 2008. I convinced my friendz with Hope that we will celebrate 2009 New year eve @ US. As I wished I celebrated this New year eve with Prabhu and Kaleel. We missed Ashok.
Jan 1st morning I travelled 127 miles. 60 miles from Windsor Locks, CT to New Haven, CT and 67 miles from New Haven to Grand Central, New York. Missed the reserved business coach train @ 6.42 by 4 mins. I realised the time consiousness of american then. Started 15 mins earlier to catch next train @ 7.45 AM. No issues reached timely and safely boarded train. This is the first time I am travelling in AMTRAK. Super Trains and Super comfort. :)
Since I travelled alone I had some wonderful ideas and thoughts about management of my new business, I concluded with "Money is to position you not to determine you". Built various stratergies based on necesscity n seasonal products. I got the confidence that I can make out my first resolution successfully. 300K profit per day.
Reached Grand Central, wow clean n colorful. Kaleidoscope Light Show Presented by Sharp® was scheduled from Dec 1st tto Jan 1st. Gud one many ammais enjoyed it, ammais are the real colorful event.
Kaleel, Siva and Jagdesh joined with me around 12. Siva and Kaleel has not visited Statue of liberty yet, so myself and Jagdesh dropped them in the queue for ferri and started to roam around new york wall st n other streets near to that.
-5 degree celcius temperature freezed my unprotected parts. In 30-40 mins roaming in streets I lost senses from my Nose, Hands and Foot were painful because of the worst weather I have ever exposed myself. Thats the best part of the trip, every 1 hour we run to the subway and travelled in warm local trains. uptown to downtown we have crossed it nearly 5 times in the evening itself. :)
Had only Coffee for both breakfast and Lunch. Kaleel and Siva came back by 6. Burger King gud food and started the chill journey from WTC location Wall st, Brooklyn Bridge, Grand Central, Times Square.
Madame Toussands Wax museum - $35 entrance fees for all access plan. I enjoyed this one a lot here. Gud place to visit with friendz. You should plan to spend 4-6 hours here. We spent 3 hours. I skipped a lot of them to enjoy it to the most.

Grand 2008

நாட்கள் இழந்தாலும் மறையாத நினைவுகளுடன் பிரிகிறோம் இந்த ஆண்டையும்.
வரும் ஆண்டு அனைவருக்கும் வெற்றி, நட்பு, அன்பு மற்றும் ஆரோக்கியத்தை அளவில்லாமல் அருள ஆண்டவனை வேண்டுகுறேன்.

Less time so continuing in my poor english. I had very gud resolutions at the beginning of the year 2008.
1. No Debits
2. No ammais
3. Do well in my leadership role
4. Be good as usual. :)
It was really an wonderful year to pass and I wish many more to come like this.

Jan 2008: Strictly started without ammais and went very well. Since my PL Chandra was leaving TCS, I was given the leadership role for my team. Team of 5 Vishnu, Poornima, Prashanth, Nikhil and Akshaya. No huge work load, great fun with friendz n very gud team. That is good start.
Feb 2008: Quiet a bit hard month. Valantines day illaya :)
Actually because of lack of work in Project, I was forced to release a resource from my team. I had three options Nikhil, Prashanth and Akshaya. Prashanth and Nikhil they are the best, better than me. So I convinced Akshaya and released her from Project. Introduced new process like no working on Fridays. It went well and we enjoyed a lot.
I got my VISA Stamping done. 13th Feb.
Mar 2008: Colorful month. Onsite confirmed. Very busy on travel plans. I was really excited n thrilled to visit a country (dream one for many) for a person who have not even crossed south indian boundries.
I was happy to leave Chennai at the point of time because of some personal reasons. Every comfort in Chennai I missed them a lot. Family, friendz n my team of 4.
March 16th reached United states and felt a satisfication in heart. Man that's great.
April 2008: Project work kept me a bit busy. I worked with Anshu Gupta, my onsite co-ordinator. We never had anything in common. She never liked me as I too do the same. But it is gud environment to work, learn n grow. New People, new friendz n new environment. Life in a different perception which every one dreams off, but that is beautiful only if you have mastered your loneliness. So include all you love in your dreams. :)
May 2008: Manager on vacation. I was directly reporting to Clients. Project was in a very slow phase because of lack of interest from Top management less funding, less work. Enjoyed free time with Blog, movies, dreamz n love. I missed my family because of lots of free time.
on 22nd Client confirmed that my Project is scraped. "Naan appadiyea shock ayittean" :)
I knew that I have to travel back. My friendz and well wishers advised me not to go back to India, but I took a decision to travel back to India. Which is One of the best decisions I made. Thank God.
June 2008: Landed Chennai. Family welcomed with Love n Friendz with Pride. US returna summava. Reported in Office on first day to meet my friendz ;)
Because of integration of my client with other one, my company got gud exposure n projects. Started to work in Funded projects (small enhancement tickets).
Later on the month, I have been rewarded with Integration Team. Team of 8 including me. Core UNIX team [Vishnu, Poornima, Nikhil and Prashanth] and Prabhu, Hari and Loveleen.
July 2008: Integration Project got more popular n more visibility. It was the talk of the Floor. @ more resources joined the team. Priya and Ritushri. It was a real fun to work as a team and representing a team is a pride. I felt happy for the role I played in the team. Status Reporting, fun on fridays, late night stays, preachings to new comers, not many will have such a great life. :) Thank God. Team lunch on fridays not with all, atleast with the maximum crowd.
Days were very challenging with the People on assigning task and getting it done. I was booned with my Core team. Things are so light with the Core team.
August 2008: Second oppurtunity to Travel to US. ;)
Reached US on Aug 3rd. I left my team without a leader defined with resposibilities. I have identified Vishnu and Poornima to my Project Manager to take care of things what I did as a Leader. This was one of the worst mistake I did with lack of in-experince.
Prabhu got his travel approved and reached US on Aug 10th.
Real tough days, I have spent 15-20 hours of meeting in a week. I did my work all late nights.
September 2008: Nazeer passed away. :( My Bro's best friend. God keep his "Aathma" in peace. Tough days continued, this time 10-15 hours of meeting per week. Lots of Project Management. Team at offshore has grown upto 13. 6-7 Freshers. Poor Vishnu and Poornima they struggled a lot with them. I was too much worried for the mistake I did and not able to solve any issues at that point of time.
October 2008: My Manager preached me on daily basis. He asked to do so much of things which I have never thought I could do. He is a real good inspiration for me. He is smart n efficient personality like Hari.
PL has been assigned to Offshore team. Core team is more relaxed, me too more relaxed.
Worst days to pass thru. Unfortunetely I made my offshore team to work solid 14-16 hours a day :(
Nov 2008: Travelled to India. I made my family happy n proud.
Met my best pals Hari and Murali, met my school dudes Venki, Prasad n Mohan. Met Kaleel mapla n my friendz. Met my Core and un-core team. Just kidding.
My Dad dreamed when I will go abroad, in a year I made him to visit Internation Airport 5 times just for me. Nov 30th he told "I am bored of coming to Airport" with a pride, that moment I felt like floating in heaven. I thanked god and smiled. Thanks to mom for making me to hear such a satisfied words from my dad. Mom was so happy on my Visit to India. I love you Mom. :)
Dec 2008: Changed a lot. No work at late nights. very rarely I login to my system after 7 PM. :)
Have made some goals to achieve. Sleeping for 7-8 hours a day. Joined fitness centre @ Office for Health Life ;)
Preachings from Manager have been gone down. Which indicated that "I am learning fast". One appreciated e-mail at the last day of the year is great one to face this challenging new year 2009.

I have to Thank n Say:
Core Team: Vishnu, Poornima, Nikhil and Prashanth. - You guys have teached me a lot. I sincerely thank you guys for helping to acheive something in my Professional life so far.
Offshore Team: Thank you all. I miss the fun we had at October.
Onsite Manager: Krishna teaching me a lot in Work. Starting from creating a document to how to handle tough people.
Room mates: Lakshman, Sam and Prabhu. They helped me a lot to learn disciple n laziness together. :)
Friendz: I have no words to thank you guys. I thank only God for such gud friends.
Family: I am proud of them.

Resolutions:
I am not gud in so many things,
not gud in comunication both oral n written in english n other languages, worst in tamil itself
not master of any sports
not a technical guru
not a super hero
not a nobel prize winner
not a great musician or poet or painter or artist
If I have to resolve all of this gaps, this blog n my life time won't be sufficient. Like everyone I also having some traits in me. I am Optimistic. With that confidence I am proceeding to acheive couple of things in this new year.
1. Building small businesses to earn a profit of 300/- per day.
2. Implementing my project "Super OMNI" successfully.
3. Peaceful life.
4. Bring Appa, Amma and Rizwan to US.
5. Be a good Bhai. My brother missed me a lot this year. I wish I will not miss him this year.
I Pray the one and only God to help me out. Keep us good and safe forever. Help us to acheive our dreams. amen.

Thanks for spending your valuable time on reading this blog. I wish you all a very happy n prosperous new year ahead.

- Rz

அழகிய பொய்கள்

நீண்ட நாட்களுக்கு பிறகு நான் இன்று இந்த தளத்தில் என் உள்ளத்தின் எண்ணத்தை பதிக்கிறேன்.

நான் விறும்பும் வாழ்க்கை வாழ வழி தேடி அலைந்துகொண்டு இருக்கிறேன்.

பகல் இரவு பாராமல் கணினியில் களைந்து போன என்னை இன்று

பொய் என்னும் கலை புத்துயிர் ஊட்டி புது நம்பிக்கை பகிர்ந்தது.

பெரும்பாளான அறிஞர்களின் கூற்று

"பொய்மையை கண்களே அறியும்" என்பதை நம்பினேன்,

உன் உச்சரிப்பை கொண்டு உன் உள்ளம் உரைப்பதை உணர்ந்த

என் உள்ளத்தை எண்ணி வியக்கிறேனடி இப்போது.

நம்ம டி ஆர் ரேஞ்சுல சொல்லனும்னா

உன் பொய்யால் நான் புன்னகிக்கிறேன்

அது மெய்யாக இறைவனிடம் வின்னப்பிக்றேன்.

பொய்கள் உரைத்த தோழியே இந்த வண்ண கிறுக்கலின் காரணம்.

kirukkalgal

கவிதை சொல்ல முயன்றேன்

உணர்வுகள் வார்த்தையாக மறுத்தது

ஏன் இந்த வறுமை என்று வார்த்தைகள் தேடினேன்

வார்த்தைகளின் வறுமை வரட்சியானது.. வானம் பாலைவனமானது..

என் வசந்த காலம் வார்த்தைகளில் இல்லையடி பெண்ணே..

நீ சிரித்தால் என் கிறுக்கலும் கவிதை ஆகுமடி.

chinna chinna kirukkal

வானின் ஒற்றை நிலவை கண்டேன்..

அளவில்லா அழகுடன் மிதந்த ஜோதி

மனதில் எழுப்பிய முதல் ஒளி

உன்முகம் தான் அன்பே..

நீ இல்லாமல் முழு நிலவும் இருண்டதடி,