LittleDrops

An Idea can change the world.. I am not sure of that, but I want to give it a try..


Today had been a great day for my thoughts.. Read some articles about india and its current state.. I love my country like many and I want to do something to it.. A little something which will make me happy..


Spent time on thinking on solving the problems.. As many believe education is the solution to all the problems.. Education is now becoming more uncommon for common people in India.. Its becoming business.. Its Funny though a fact too.. we pay too much of fees for our kids education so that we are eligible for tax exemption.. Those things apart.. What am I contributing to my Country??


I have thought of making a small contribution from my salary to the needy people especially to the kids who needs education to survive better in the life.. Insha Allah I am thinking of contributing 1 percentage of my salary to the people who needs it.. I can make 100 percent, but I am not that great.. ;-)


So thinking of bugging my friends to as small contribution to help our nation or next generation where everyone is treated equally.. I have faith in my friends as they are also having same attitude to help their motherland someway or the other..


Lets give this idea a try and see what happens.. Insha Allah!!

Recap 2009 and 2010

Long time to blogging..

Its been really long since I ever wanted to write something.. I stopped writing my journals after my marriage.. I occasionally wrote some of my thoughts in notebooks.. Nothing much to crip about or nothing great to be proud of too..

I feel this blog had been my place to heal.. To see the past and wonder what had happened.. I don't to miss how I felt the happening of my life and others whom I care for..

Year 2009.. Great one to start with.. Year of Love.. Will have it as 2 parts to be interesting.. PRE-AFEE and AFEE..

PRE-AFEE: Jan 2009 to Nov 2009 -

In USA with thala and sam..

Spent new year day @ NewYork with Kaleel, Siva and Jagadesh..

Many new onsitees Vishnu, Sriram and Priya..

Less work in Unix migration project..

During march got allocated to release projects where I had to work with Jasmine and Kiran..

May started to India.. Some bulbs from X..

Birthday parties..

Lectures to freshers in the team..

New friends Sowjanya, Arjun and Suresh..

Train travels to work..

Trip to Yercaud for Prashanth Brother maraige..

No Kaleel mapla.. :-(

Cricket with friends..

more movies..

started investing in Equity..

Felt great as a good leader..

Gifts from team mates..

Lonely walks in anna nagar..

Careless diets..

Introduced mama to X and his advices.. :-)

No to Femina.. :-(

Desire to get a new house..

pre-closure of ICICI personal loans..

Bajaj financial services bulb..

Dad scoldings for my poor money management..

Closed all debts to get Home loan from HDFC..

Murali and Kaleel's financial help on getting my new apartment..

Forgot to invite Prasad for the house warning ceremony.. forgot some other friends too..

Nov 1st - House Warming Ceremony.. Everyone from my dad's family visited our home.. Proud Dad and Mom..

AFEE:

Oct 29th I wanted to meet Afee.. Went to Purasaiwalkam, saw Hyder mama and lost him in the traffic.. Missed the chance to meet her.. While coming back home, I realized need of love in life.. My heart felt very happy for Afee and that night I told my parents that I am ready for marriage and if they like Afee then I will marry her itself..

Oct 39th My parents visited afee home and came back home so happy for her.. I am not sure of why they are happy, but they are really happy.. I saw it in my Dad'd face.. They got some of Afee's pics too.. She was not so good on those fotos.. Anyways that doesn't impact me because my heart is happy without seeing her itself..

Nov 1st Afee parents with Anwar mama and Sultana Mami came to my home.. They liked me.. So all set from elders side.. Sms chat wtih Afee.. top-up for 100 bucks.. On that week I had selected some of the best pics of mine and shared that with Saleem to show it to Afee.. She also liked me and said okie.. :-)) Love mood thaan..

Bakrid dress for afee.. Afee liked my mom very much.. so much that made me to love her more than before..

Afee family member came to home to talk about engagement and marriage.. Engagement on Dec 13th 2009 and Marriage on May 5th 2010.. Dad made it simple.. "We want the marriage to be grand. Jewels for Afee as your wish. We have everything at our home no need for anything else".. But they had something fixed

Some of the things that made her deep into my heart are

She told that I should take good care of my mom and everything..

She likes joint family..

She likes elders and kids..

She likes Islam and Prayer..

She don't like make-ups..

Some of the things that didn't impress

She is very very shy.. She never talked with me.. But her messages were full of love and love and love and he he.. I tried to talk to her couple of times, but ended failure..

Our engagement meeting(first one).. All family members came and wished us.. Gifted a small chain to Afee.. Hari and Mekalai made it to the engagement.. Prasad, mohan and iyal too came.. Fotos that rizwan took of me and Afee are totally great.. Will cherish that for life.. My parents are happy.. Rizwan liked afee's simplicity.. Watch Gift..

Year had gone with memories..

2010: The BIG Marriage.. Life changing events


Pre Marriage: Jan 2010 to May 2010
In Jan able to Met Afee @ her aunt place.. We had a little chat.. First Kiss.. ;-)
Valentines day's with Afee in Marina Beach.. Too much of hupe created by her father.. Mom a bit upset.. Wow great first valentine day celebrations.. Worth the risk..
Met Afee in couple of places near to her place, once in TNagar..
Spent most of my time with Afee over phone and in person.. As Hari advised marriage needs time to get settled and get matured.. He told me that I need to spend time with my spouce to create the initial bonding.. I tried that and I believed I had the initial bonding..


Post Marriage: May 2010
Marriage went thru good.. I want to thank all who made it in person and who didn't.. Really I didn't miss anyone that day.. ;-) Hari, Murali, Prabhu, Jani, Mohan, Prasad, Venki, Hameed, Sahubar, etc.. I might have missed many.. Kaleel mapla was in US..
Afee father my XXXXXan didn't applied passport for Afee.. Don't know what to do.. Just blamed myself for letting them take care of it.. I scolded him more when I travelled alone to USA on July 7th.. Applied Afee Passport as I had an oppurtunity to travel to US as Poornima's replacement..
No HoneyMooon.. Went to US on July 7th.. Awaited Afee VISA for almost 2 months.. Travelled to India on Sept 2011 to surprise Afee (for Ramazan).. Spent 2XXX to make it to India.. Travel to India Journey was really an amzing experience.. Did last minute booking @ the airport to compensate my travel via Canada option..
1 Week in India for Ramzan celebrations.. Afee-Mom misunderstanding.. :-( Krishna adviced that my attitude is not correct and I should not be like this that and all.. I did it when I want to do it.. :-)
        Got my US Driver's license on Sept 2010 after 3 attempts.. Finally relaxed.. Went to Delaware with Kaleel mapla.. Drive is so good.. First time Kaleel mapla and I went for long journey in car.. Kaleel used to stay in Stamford just 2 hrs from my place.. But without car, its far.. :-(


California: I got allocated to Fireman's fund - Data Masking project.. SFO was boring.. New Manager, New project, new technologies to work.. Its just fun.. Rented car for the first weekend.. Got my own GPS.. drove on the highways no one to guide me.. Its pure thrill.. US 101 is memorable.. Stayed in hotel with Rahul (from data masking team) for a month.. Afee came to US..
         Bcoz of my project situations, we stayed in "Travelodge" for couple of months.. Rented "Dodge Caliber" Went to LA to visit Rafeeq (Afee brother), Went to Sea world (San Deigo).. Had more fun.. Visited many local places.. Signs of Junior..
         Moving to the apartment.. On dec we moved an apartment on Vallejo.. Only 2 of us.. Its lovely place, we had differences, but I had time to overcome the differences and love my wife..


Whole year had been good and lovely except some hard moments of truth..




Its good to rewind your life sometime and enjoy what happened.. Bcoz we have no other option.. ;-)

LOVE OH LOVE

Days are going with growing frustration.. Reasons not know..

Need a hope to control my LIFE.. Why suddenly I am feeling drained of all the energy in me.. No motivation to find PEACE..

But I am trying to remember these lines

If life gives you 100 reasons to CRY, give life 1000 reasons to SMILE..

-> HELL I am finding hard to find one good reason.. I am not able to see my lovely fabi, my mom, riz, dad, friends to quit these frustrating moments.. Finding the reasons to smile..

LOVE -> LOVE YOUR LIFE.. LOVE YOUR PARTNER.. LOVE YOUR FAMILY.. LOVE YOUR PROFESSION.. LOVE YOUR DUTIES.. LOVE THE PAIN.. LOVE THE FAILURE.. LOVE THE NATURE.. LOVE WHAT LIFE GIVES TO YOU.. LOVE.. LOVE.. LOVE..

I started to smile, bcoz I have more LOVE, I got more LOVE and I use more LOVE.. I feel more LOVE in me and around me..

GOD LOVES US.. idhu podhumea.. ;-)

I love so so so so so so so many things.. but the real beauty is when you get that LOVE..

If you are loving anything.. just think of where did you get that LOVE from so that will act as powerful FUEL to provide light in all your tough situations..

Insha Allah.. I thinking of the Source of what I have and the destinations..

Hope you too will find the Source and Destination of YOUR LOVE.. :-)

Koiyala Feel panna onnum pudunga mudiyadhu.. So no point in FEELING BAD or BORED..

What a LIFE

This is a tough one in my mind.. my loneliness making me think something like this and making me more confused..

Simple question: Why god made humans??

Simple answer: ----------------------------------------

Why is this life?? Concerned on the hereafter life?? what to do here?? what not to do here?? why 2 lifes one in this world and other one in heaven or hell??

What I thought by my religion ISLAM is that.. There is only one God.. my initial days were passed assuming ALLAH is name of the god.. When I read the meaning of ALLAH I was humiliated..

ALLAH = AL + ILAH.. AL - One and ILAH - God.. One God..

As a muslim I was in a impression that Allah is name of the lord we workship.. but as days pass.. hunger for the truth grows and search for the fact drives ourselfs..

Backing myself to the topic of "What is LIFE"..

tough to understand.. I haven't read the Quran completely.. not any religious scriptures.. :-( but I like many many many people in this earth believe that life is to LIVE.. Be Good and Do Good..

when I tried to place myself pre-humanic era.. I am deadlock in my thoughts of how did that happen.. why did that happened.. why this way.. why not that way.. so so so many dimensions and I am lost..

What I am trying to find is God is so merciful.. he created us.. he never ever wanted us to be betrayed.. so all prophets and scriptures were to guide humans.. Now since god has such a mercy upon human, why did he going to put us in HELL?? Because we all know when a child is born it is PURE.. The surrounding make the baby good or bad in future.. similarly death is also a big change which might put in a purification process of understanding "What is LIFE?".. but is that only way of it.. what are the other ways??

LIFE.. so called our time interval in this space.. If you do GOOD its a GIFT.. if you do bad its a CURSE.. Did we opted for such a test?? Why are going thru such a test??

Why?????

If we had a starting point then yes we have an ending point.. what is the ending point is the mystery to be uncovered??

After reading this you can very easily understand how much I am confused.. How many questions flash in my mind.. Whatever it is as many say "Beauty of LIFE when we don't whats going to happen NEXT"..

I am trying to adopt to my view of LIFE.. Its Beautiful.. Thank God and Enjoy.. :-)

Energy is back

Oct last week was one of most expected and excited week.. My afeela travel to USA.. Her travel got approved on 22nd of october as I requested, but I didn't want her to travel on hurry so decided to make her travel after sufficient time.. Also she can represent me in Anusiya marriage, which will make Sheit Bhai happy and me Proud bro..

Weekend passed very quietly with Rahul's tragedy on public transit in Novato. I haven't booked car for 22nd wk end, just preserving it for a weekend with Fabi.. Was quiet watching movies and dreaming of my future..

Rahul - TCS Masketeer Consultant. He came to US for the first time. I went to pick him up from airport. I haven't met him before, Just spoke to him 2 twice.. No clue of how he will look and what dress he was wearing.. Somehow managed to travel on Richmond Bridge and reached Airport on-time.. nice exp of travelling on such a long bridge.. I spent nearly 20-25 mins in airport waiting for the flight (I called Sami and got the flight details).. I was just sitting in the couch and noting which place I will request Afee to come too, what I might on our meet after longgggggggggggggggg time.. etc..

I recognized him very quickly, don't know how, Just clicked he will be rahul and as I thought he is Rahul.. He is good.. He somehow reminded me my friend Hari.. Hari has such specific style.. I think he got such style from Western India, when he gone for his ME degree.. back to rahul.. he likes nature more.. he is excited of the SFO,. he asked many questions for many I just smiled.:-) He slept in the car, while we were crossing the Goldengate Bridge, one of the most beautiful things I have witnessed..

Enough of Rahul Story.. He is good and he left USA on Nov 7th.. I learnt few things from him on his short trip..

My Wife travel ticket got confirmed on Monday evening.. Now she got tickets, still I am hesitated to share with my friends and family, I don't know why, but I hesitated to share.. :-(( Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday passed waiting for her travel.. She started from Chennai safely.. I don't know what drama happened in airport.. But I can guess what typically would have happened.. Mom and my mami would have cried thinking of how her daughter will be at new place and how they going to live without her.. They are very much lovely than what we are.. The generation shift is killing this caring attitude from our elders to us.. This generation is just shifting from caring to independent.. which is not correct..

We should give freedom to our loved ones not independence..

We should take responsibility to our loved ones on tough times - this caring nature is changing to blaming, just stating you did it on your own and now struggling..

My parents, gave me freedom to live my life.. take my job.. choose what I want.. Yes they are the best who gave me the best of everything.. A respectful bro.. Lovely family.. Lovely society.. Which helped me choose right friends, right job, right decisions @ the most needed times..

Topping the list.. They found my life partner too.. Afeela..

Enough of philosophy.. ;-) She traveled in Lufthansa.. Decent flights and good in-flight service.. As I expected she got a good itinerary.. Chennai to Frankfurt to San Francisco.. Beauty is her waiting time in the Frankfurt Airport is just 90 minutes.. Sufficient time to move from one terminal to other after security check.. Hence no boring airport.. :-) She updated her safe landing and boarding in next flight to San Francisco.. now the ticker in me started.. waiting to pass the next long 15 hours.. Thank god i got a rental car for that day and for rest of the weekend.. its costs around $149 for 4 days bit expensive but trust me its worth it.. Went to office attended some meetings and discussed the project status with PM and around 11 escaped from office..

I am meeting her after 45 days.. just wanted to impress her at the first sight in SF.. my LP white shirt saved my thoughts and made me feel good to meet my Fabi.. Since started late from office just went straight to Airport.. She text her arrival to me.. She has to finish her Immigration and get the baggage.. I have to wait for couple of longgggggggggggggg hours to meet her.. When waiting in the airport, realized I haven't got any gifts to welcome her.. not even a single flower.. :-( I scolded my self for such a dump thing.. As an alternate solution decided to buy chocolates to welcome her.. ran for the shops in the airport, luckily I found one which met my requirements..

While returning back to terminal A via steps.. I was desperately looking for Fabi.. My eyes scan found matching images.. In just moments our eyes communicated.. Smiles spreaded to its fullest.. Senses exploded.. walking turned to running.. Just moments passed on making my brain believe my Fabi is with me in USA.. Then rest is not to be kept in blog.. Its wonderful feel when we meet our loved ones..

Yup I am a happy man with full energy.. Just have to find right way to my dreams.. ;-)

Thanks for reading..

Why I hated San Francisco

Long time no blogs.. Just wanted to save some of my memories in the form of blogs.. I also making use of this opportunity to test a philosophy my manager told.. to keep on with the things we like we have to cross two hurdles/breaks.. One Starting it and the other one is continuing it..

I have crossed first one long back.. was held with continuing break long time.. If i continue blogging hereafter.. his philosophy holds good.. otherwise I have cross some more continuing breaks.. :-))

The differences when I last blogged and now blogging..

I am married to an Angel. In this world people call her Afeela Fatima. Ours is not love at first sight story.. but love at first hearings.. Yeah when my mob told about her, I couldn't believe it.. When I first met her in our engagement, I felt it.. She is one beautiful angel born in earth and the only one born for me..

Ours is totally arranged marriage.. I was thinking I am not lucky in love.. but not true till I came closer to my Fabi alias Afee.. I tried to impress some ammais.. God kept them away from me for this angel.. There is a saying "God shuts one door, he opens other".. My case he closed small doors and opened door to heaven.. Why am I so excited with my marriage life.. I don't know but this is good.. Good to have companion to share life's UPs and DOWNs..

Your life partner makes you feel good about yourself.. You got one to share yourself totally.. you got to have something that you have in your heart not shared with anyone except yourself.. You don't have to carry any such stuffs.. Once the partners are in love, you can breakdown all your secrets.. Life like an open book has its own advantages.. I still have some to share with my fabi.. Its that we are just 1 year old in love.. its takes some time to get matured in love..

Love that grows in your heart makes you more strong.. I got this much strength to face my loneliness here in San Francisco which all are feeling like one of the best cities to live..

Came to US on July 4th with lots and lots of dreams.. Hoping that my fabi will join me shortly.. Her visa personal appearance was scheduled on July 8th.. I expected her arrival by July 17th to Newyork.. BIG TWIST was she didn't get her visa approved, it was delayed in the name of "Administrative Processing".. What crap is that?? when the VISA OFFICER is not comfortable on providing visa, he opts for further enquiry on your application through other US office/process.. I am not sure of why her visa was delayed.. but the fact is it was delayed for 65 days.. Bcoz I traveled to INDIA on sept first week and my project is scrapped I could not bring her to US immediately even after her VISA approval..

Why did I traveled to INDIA.. I promised Fabi that i will be with her for Ramzan.. as a gentle men I wanted to keep my words.. Bcoz we started our life just 5 months back and I don't want to risk her trust on me.. I risked 2K to travel to INDIA to be with my Angel..

I was wondering why my parents and brother and friends were not at all coming into my mind.. ;-)) Answer I don't know.. I used to be in touch with all my friends regularly.. I have only limited number of friends and they are the best.. My parents, why they got the second priority?? Why my brother got the second priority?? How come Fabi got the top priority in such a short time.. May be bcoz rest of my life is with her, I gave this priority?? I don't think so.. May be bcoz she occupied my whole heart?? May be she loves me more than anyone else?? May be others just left me to her all?? Whatever it is, she got the top priority.. I wish I value my family, my bro and my friends the most.. Bcoz, they make the life variety and joyful..

Spent time with Fabi for Ramzan.. Time to return to US.. She got her VISA, still I am not able to bring her.. :-(( traveled back to US on Sept 12th.. Again lonely, but I am happy for making my Fabi happy and my family happy..

Not much work, so more free time.. more thoughts and more confusions.. Got offers from Allianz project in California and Genre project in Connecticut itself.. I was happy to opt Genre project, bcoz I have Kaleel mapla in that proj.. Same state so not a big difference as such.. Allianz proj sounded good, I am happy when I heard abt the task and the role.. but Genre is best for the married person is what made me choose Genre on first.. BIG TWIST.. Allianz manager called Genre manager and they agreed to make me available for Allianz in California.. Ha ha ha.. All my plans/dreams on settling on CT is gone.. :-(

Okie all set with the assignment travel date confirmed on Oct 6th.. Bcoz of the new system in the process, had some hick-ups on my travel plan.. till date it is there.. :-( might impact my oct payroll if extends after oct 11th.. Having heavy tasks in place to fix them..

October 7th started to Cali.. Traveled in South West Airlines.. Bags fly free.. ;-) company spent $425 on my tickets.. I hated being a Manager.. on saving cost these people are spoiling others life.. What the matter with 1K dollar.. First time I hated Krishna for not making this happed bcoz of money.. I am frustrated bcoz of the cost savings.. People won't talk about performance, rather talking about cost savings is really JUNK..

My new manager giving me the same story Krishna told.. what is this?? I decided to fight to get my wife travel approved by next week.. I am not that hard type, but I have to be to get my fabi here in San Francisco to like it than hating it..

Time is the best gift for us.. this loneliness kills it for nothing.. I hate San Francisco, purely bcoz of loneliness..

Bonjour

It been a long time from my posting.. Just wanted to say "hi" and scrap n share something..

Life in last 5 months had many ups n downs for me.. nothing physical thats the beauty so I had an oppurtunity to express them in words..

Ups are always good for any one life.. I had got out of all my debts for 3 weeks.. :-) An interesting team to work with.. more time at travel to spend wisely.. home food.. office late nights (only work, nothing else).. timeout with friends.. fasting..

my debt.. I had some 1 Lakh debt when I am back from onsite.. Thank god I got rid of them late August for getting home loan.. Yes, I am looking forward to buy a house in near future.. All formalities are in progress by god wish I will be make a deal in next 2-3 weeks.. Alhamdulillah..

my team.. Got a new team to work with.. few core team member made my feel comfortable.. Poornima n Nikhil in development team.. Other 2 core member were doing production support.. Prashanth n Vishnu.. Team of 8-12 is not really gud to wrok with.. I got some technical avices from friends on how to manage the team.. I am trying all with this team n hope they are not tired of my experimentation.. Its trilling to be a lead, you have the pains n pills.. its upto you to choose what you want.. My core team never gave me tough time.. :-) but a tough team makes a good leader.. so I am thru tough times. now.. ;-) my team has the right attitude but not right strike/use of that.. Thats y I am there to balance the team n mke good projects out of it.. Guys in my team are Suresh, Arjun, Lavanya, Nisha, Simbu, Nikhil, Poornima, Kasturi, Bandhani and Sowjanya. Poornima from Core team left onsite on Aug.. By that time I comforted myself well in the team.. I have all stars to shine except few need more feedback n right guidance..

my travel: I am spending 3 hours a day on travel.. 20 mins in bike, 30 mins in electric train and 20 mins in share auto/bus.. to and fro of this with the waiting time makes 3 hours a day.. I enjoy my train journey a lot than other mode.. Gud ammais.. No rush.. more time to think on what I had done and what I am going to do.. Every need a journey like this to organise their day/work/tasks..

friends: meeting my friends regularly.. playing cricket.. sundal chatting.. motta maadi aratttais.. bike roaming.. gym timeouts.. talking about girls.. future plan discussions.. support when at deep trouble.. gilmas.. Adding color to the time we spend.. ;-)

Fasting: This year is far far better than last year fasting.. God kept me lazy but good.. I am glad being here at this time.. you need support/inspiration when you are down.. I found that being with loved ones.. Good ramzan month.. missed 3 days of fasting.. :-(


Downs are the best part of anyone's life.. Still it is boring.. I wish not to bore you guyz with that..

I am glad that you guys had a wonderful summer n spring,, I wish for more colorful days n love in all your life.. Good day..

peice of Info

required for many indians living abroad.. enjoy cooking n eating.. engalukkulu vettu samayal irukku illa.. :-)

http://websamayal.blogspot.com/2006/08/fish-names-in-tamil.html

gud one to share

this video is gud and the speaker wants to communicate the following lessons that he learnt in his 35 yrs of rock climbing experience
1. Don't let go
2. Hesitation is bad
3. Have a plan
4. The move is the end
5. know how to rest
6. fear sucks
7. opposites are good
8. strength != success
9. know how to let go

chk it below
http://www.ted.com/talks/view/id/518
or

between jan n mar - 2009

I have started the year with hopes n lots of ambitions. as days passed the enthu on the ambitions erroded freely. like many I too stayed in a dreamy world where we only see our success n love n whatever we want to be.

I looked in my dairy n wondered what I have done so far till to date.. one of my goals of 2009 is implementing Super OMNI (my proj) successfully. half the way to the goal it was shared by 2 more resources Sriram and Vishnu. The implementation i dreamt about was not in my hands at some point of time. It plotted a gap between me and my hectic work schedule.

I worked like hell in feb and in mar suddenly I was like a devdas with failure, it was good. no work, no fun, no issues, no status calls, no deliverables, no reportings for 1 or 2 weeks. I had time to think about the cause for the drift in life, I am not able to conclude anything till now, but I have derived upon something called motivation factor.

what makes us unique is this so called motivation towards life. so are motivated/inspired to live for other, some are motivated to live for money, some for love, some for pleasure, some for thrill, some for peace, some for terror n so n so.. wat motivated me till feb is that "I was doing ONE MAN SHOW in the implementation project".. for all dam thing in the project, I was questioned for reasons. I parted on the solutions for all the problems we faced in the project. I received 100+ e-mails in any given day of the week. I used to attend 10-12 hours of meeting in any given week.. I thought myself very busy than my manager who used to command whole building when it comes to our system.. The fame/attitude that I have got in 4-5 months was un-imaginable.. to keep the momentum I have worked hell out of me..

As Sriram n Vishnu on board, I have left with no work. no e-mails. no status reporting. no questions. no issues at all. That was very gud for my project n company. but Iwas un-happy that I have lost something from my hand. the motivation factor called fame got diluted away from me. I am without energy, enthu, fun, work, tough times.. all of the sudden time passed with pain..

Decided to go back to India n be with my family n friends, who has driven my life positively so far. Where I will not be de-motivated for anything. People to share my failure n give enough motivation to come out of it. Any issues friends are there to listen to me and guide me. India which I missed like air in these days.

I requested my managers Kiran n Krishna to send me back to India. Krishna was my implementation manager and Kiran was July release manager. on march since I was offically moved out of implementation I was allocated to work on July Release. Krishna n Kiran asked for some time to plan my release. I too know that it was not an easy activity. Krishna asked me too take 1 week time to think n we will meet after that to discuss the same issue. his philosophy was that "At the moment of heat we may make wrong decisions". Anyone given an oppurtunity to change their decision at later point of time, 90% will opt to change. this video supported my managers philosophy

http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/dan_gilbert_researches_happiness.html

after a weeks time to think n decide. I have said the same "I want to go back to india". Krishna simply scoulded me and encouraged (motivated) me to show interest in work. he quoted somethings from the past which I liked a lot. Surely I am motivated n back in track but this time not to lead solely, I need to run with my team. I am not here to prove anything to anyone. I am here to do my job, so kept all such junk fame of ONEMAN out of my mind n started to play a responsible team-member. things moved very well. no hectic work load, no tough questions, sharing of issues, parted in solutioning the problems. I am stuck partially between work n free time (which people refer as personal time).. implementation was successful (actually not failed) :-)

March gone. I am recovering from bad idealogies n bad work culture.

I am getting involved in July release as part of work.

I started spending more time for my family, friends n relative (over phone), reading books, cooking good food, thinking about my ambitions, my loneliness, flied to North Carolina.. etc.. all making use of my personal time.

more to share.. find your motivating factor n keep rocking.. best wishes..